The world is so beautiful. Everything is so beautiful.
The air feels fresh & the water is clear.
I move slowly here – I move with intent. I’ve found bits of patience & solace in these mountains. The breeze reminds me to breathe and the water reminds me to keep moving. For if I sit too long most naturally processes cease. If I sit too long, I could become the vast amount of water held still by a man-made dam. But man did not make me. I will not allow man to make me.
What do you think of when you think of yourself? What do you think of when you think of me? When you’re reminded of yourself – when you’re reminded of our connection. What words, what physical and emotional reactions do you have? I can tell you that what I think of me & what you think of me are not the same. Hopefully the beauty people see in you are the same as what you speak internally to yourself.
What words do you first think of when you reflect on yourself – when you sit with yourself in a period of contemplation? These moments don’t need to look serious. They usually look like you driving your car, sitting down to start a yoga class, heading into a new space where you’re not sure of the layout and it’s nerve racking, when you’re laying down in the morning after waking, when you’re going to bed, when you’re waiting in line at the book store.
What are these words? Evaluate them – deepen your understanding towards any of them. No matter what tone or energy they come through with.
My words for myself are often harsh. They’re likely to put me down, they’re likely to destroy any good I have going on because it’s not all good “enough”
My engine light came on yesterday for the second time in the recent months. I just recently replaced my wheel bearing & because I’ve been barrelling down a mountain of lack – I do not have enough. The engine light coming on phased me – how can I pay for this? What is it going to be? Panic. Less panic this time than the first time, but – general worry.
I told myself it will all work out. I am protected – trust. It’s an aspect of life. It’s an aspect of owning a vehicle (which I’m very grateful for – wow). It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.
Because I’ve been in stress, panic, worry for days & months now it’s as though my senses are both heightened & depleted. I jump at most noises, I feel something crawling on me often, I want to sleep for days.
I’ve been so disconnected lately that two days ago in a moment of lesson and warning I completely missed my ladder down from my bed and I fell 8 feet to the floor. Boom. Laptop in hand. Boom. “Guess I’m going down” my mind said. “Am I about to be really hurt?” “how will I pay for a new laptop?” oi oi oi. I wasn’t paying attention. It all happened so fast. I’ve been laughing about it for the past days. Though at the core it’s not funny. It’s a huge message written in bold – written in the sky ‘SURRENDER DOROTHY’ style. It’s a huge message written & woven into my lack of presence. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.
I am seeking. I am working my way through my shit. The pathway is rough. But I so desperately believe in our worthiness of peace & the things we’re looking for that make each individual feel ‘whole’
Tonight, I sit by the creek. I’m grateful I didn’t play music. I almost played some good ol’ Krishna Das but I opted for natural vibrations.
I’m thankful – I’m slowing down – I’m looking forward to deepening myself & my practice in order to better serve you.
With that – I’m looking forward to bringing to light the new offerings we’ve been working on through Tulā. I’m excited to share some new options, and to continue to assist you in working with your gifts, and aid in bringing you on your way to a version of yourself you’ve been seeking. Please stay tuned for new updates coming up into the fall season.