What does it look like? Mean? To do – ‘the work’ what is it?
When you’re looking to learn, to do better, to advance further towards something you know is inside of you – it looks clear & it looks foggy at the same time. It’s as if you have a pair of glasses on with two different lenses. Two different prescriptions – but both belong to you. It’s as if looking forward and looking back both with their different promises & lessons look just as beautiful, both as scary, both as frustrating, & both as rewarding.
They both carry unknowns – I like my unknowns. I am graciously fearful of my unknowns. My unknowns are truths – already written. My unknowns also carry lies. My truths are my patterns of 29 years. My truths are the lies I’ve told myself in which I separate from. My learning & growth is presented only to me, not on the silver platter in which I was raised on but on a foundation made of natural resource. Made of wood, with some knots, cracks, & cuts on either side. The cuts necessary to make it what it is.
This wooden plank raises me up & though frightfully close to falling off or through – I manage. I do the work. I balance. I am patient.
What I am seeking is seeking me. When I thought I knew what was for me has been rewritten. Just as those who are deconstructing what white society has taught them, just as those who are balancing the changes within them as a culture to find their normalcy after the lens of the patriarchy is being dismantled. & brought to light the harm this has caused. Just as the world burns because of greed. Only because – of greed.
Just as these stories are revisited in purity, in respect & in divine truth – I rewrite & spend my days unbecoming – to become.
To become what exactly?
To become peaceful, to stay the course, to actually live my deep inner truths.
To become the quality of self I know. To be true to help me. To be true to help you.
Without these teachings & time, without these pages of truth written before me – everything would be harder to find.
I am welcoming to my pathway. I trust in how my life is practical in what it offers to me as – I need them. Those are for me to navigate. They are my lessons & they are supposed to come. They are supposed to present themselves.
I am set – not to resist, but to recognize, to notice, to seek an understanding deep enough that works to abolish my patterns.
I have to have the breakdown before I can have the breakthrough. The only way out is through.
I write this on Unceded Coast Salish Territory. I write this with a pen from Japan and a book from Germany. I write this by water, by myself. Though I am not alone.
I was told yesterday ‘I cannot do this alone – not without spirit’ I take that & other blessings that come from knowledge, from depth, from self-work with gratitude & the upmost respect.
These last 4 months have been awfully sticky – I know you feel it. I hear you. I speak to you. I listen to you. Even when you might not think I am. I remember, I absorb. I pay attention to find ways I can support you. It’s usually in a similar way to which I’ve helped myself.
I’m appreciative of your time & trust. I’m thankful we see what we need to see. And do our best to navigate our way with it not around it.
I am here.